PS It's sensitive to touch and I hate when pressure is put on it. Weird.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Can You See My Divot?
Well, can you? Can you see it? Right there on my chest. No one has ever asked me in three years, "what is that from"? You gotta wonder if they wonder. I mean, I do wear a lot of tank tops. Just FYI, that little "divot" is from my port. My port that was installed to carry the chemotherapy into my body to cure the cancer. I referenced a photo of it when it was put in (blog 5/30/12) and when it was taken out (blog 8/23/12). Check it out. Now...... I'm left with just this "divot" (and the 3 little tattoos on my hips and pelvis) as permanent daily reminders that this happened.
PS It's sensitive to touch and I hate when pressure is put on it. Weird.
PS It's sensitive to touch and I hate when pressure is put on it. Weird.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Made it past the 3 Year mark!!
I haven't posted since January this year. I notice I did 25 posts in 2012 after I was diagnosed. Then only 6 in 2013. In 2014 and 2015, only one post from me. That's it. I briefly scanned a couple of my posts before writing this one and documenting my thoughts about cancer, treatment, friends, BFAC, and other topics relating to how finding a tumor, treating a tumor, and being cured. I'm super glad I wrote them and I think I should add more updates along the way. So.... here goes......
I almost purposely missed posting a blog on my end of treatment three year anniversary this year which was 7/25. Some days I feel like writing about it makes it too raw and too real, and I don't want to honor that memory with documenting it. I want to put it behind me and pretend it isn't a part of me. Then again, I'm so happy that I blogged my feelings and a few photos along the way (which was the whole purpose, to remind myself later), so that I can reflect on an event so major that changed my life, my thoughts, and my being. It changed me. So even though part of me doesn't want to write about it, there are those days when writing about it helps me through it and reading others blogs are still helping me through it, answering burning questions electronically, and sharing feelings and worries.
The fact that I don't write about it doesn't mean that I don't think about it every single day, several times a day. I think about the experience and what I went through. I think about the love, support, and friendships validated throughout the process of chemo and radiation and it's aftermath.... which is still there. For these gifts I am grateful. I think about every ache, cough, and headache as "what if". I never felt any of this BC (before cancer). I feel in a deeper way than BC for my many friends that have suffered, are currently suffering, who have lost their battle, or had someone who lost the battle, who are fighting the battle, and who are surviving. I feel for them as someone who is family. I understand. I suffer, fight, and live, by their sides, with compassion and deeper understanding than before.
So much has changed in my life since the end of treatment. I am now NED and feel good about that. I have had several PET, CT and Scopes to verify it. The more time that passes, the more secure I am that the demon been exorcised and will not return. I am down to seeing the gastro surgeon once a year now. I am excited for 7/25/2017. That is the famous 5 year mark that we all hope to get to without reoccurrence. Even then, I think I'll worry for the rest of my life. I am different now. I have changed. This is my new normal.
On the personal side of life, in the past 3 years, I have become a grandparent of 2 exceptional, beautiful, gifted, amazing miracles, Liam & Liv. I've moved. With this move, we're in Wenatchee again and totally enjoying life here again. My whole family has moved (to be close to each other) back to Wenatchee; Sam, my mom, Amber & Adam (and their kids), Adam's mom & sister and hopefully more to follow. I've changed jobs (still with Wells Fargo though, 10 years this Sept 2015). I get to go on some fabulous vacations with Willie a few times a year. I'm happy.
I almost purposely missed posting a blog on my end of treatment three year anniversary this year which was 7/25. Some days I feel like writing about it makes it too raw and too real, and I don't want to honor that memory with documenting it. I want to put it behind me and pretend it isn't a part of me. Then again, I'm so happy that I blogged my feelings and a few photos along the way (which was the whole purpose, to remind myself later), so that I can reflect on an event so major that changed my life, my thoughts, and my being. It changed me. So even though part of me doesn't want to write about it, there are those days when writing about it helps me through it and reading others blogs are still helping me through it, answering burning questions electronically, and sharing feelings and worries.
The fact that I don't write about it doesn't mean that I don't think about it every single day, several times a day. I think about the experience and what I went through. I think about the love, support, and friendships validated throughout the process of chemo and radiation and it's aftermath.... which is still there. For these gifts I am grateful. I think about every ache, cough, and headache as "what if". I never felt any of this BC (before cancer). I feel in a deeper way than BC for my many friends that have suffered, are currently suffering, who have lost their battle, or had someone who lost the battle, who are fighting the battle, and who are surviving. I feel for them as someone who is family. I understand. I suffer, fight, and live, by their sides, with compassion and deeper understanding than before.
So much has changed in my life since the end of treatment. I am now NED and feel good about that. I have had several PET, CT and Scopes to verify it. The more time that passes, the more secure I am that the demon been exorcised and will not return. I am down to seeing the gastro surgeon once a year now. I am excited for 7/25/2017. That is the famous 5 year mark that we all hope to get to without reoccurrence. Even then, I think I'll worry for the rest of my life. I am different now. I have changed. This is my new normal.
On the personal side of life, in the past 3 years, I have become a grandparent of 2 exceptional, beautiful, gifted, amazing miracles, Liam & Liv. I've moved. With this move, we're in Wenatchee again and totally enjoying life here again. My whole family has moved (to be close to each other) back to Wenatchee; Sam, my mom, Amber & Adam (and their kids), Adam's mom & sister and hopefully more to follow. I've changed jobs (still with Wells Fargo though, 10 years this Sept 2015). I get to go on some fabulous vacations with Willie a few times a year. I'm happy.
 |
| 10/17/2015 with Liv Catherine and Liam Cameron Nealy |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)