Been A Long Time

​it is hard to begin when a couple years have flown by.  For me, I’m 14 years NED.  I haven’t checked in awhile, I worry about it a lot, and need to go in for a review soon. I always think about it but never book it.  Not much had changed for me since my last blog a couple years ago in 2024.  I’m still working same job at Guild, living in the same house in East Wenatchee, and still healthy.  

This past year was a challenge.  Not for me but for Willie, my husband.  In June 2025 we found out he had a tumor and had esophageal cancer.  They got him started right away on treatment; 8 chemotherapy sessions separated by a surgery to remove 1/2 his stomach and 2/3’s of his esophagus.  I’m making this short, but to know more read the blog I wrote for him following his journey; Willie’s Cancer.  He got his first CT in August and it didn’t show cancer however there was a small new spot in his lung which we’ll keep an eye on.  Next CT in 6 more months. 

Having been though my treatment helped us deal with his. His, to me seemed so much more intense, harder, and aggressive. It really sucked watching him go through it.  He lost over 40 pounds (30% of his body weight) and so much more. My feelings were intense too. And I had a ton of anxiety throughout this year.  

Stress brings up feelings and impulses. Speaking of that, Willie bought me a new car yesterday. It’s a 2026 Toyota BZ, electric.  I love it!  But now I have to to try to learn how to drive a computer car and plug it in at night to charge it like my phone & my watch.  Still, I’m not complaining   

Update 2024

 I just noticed my last post was in 2018.  That’s crazy!  Since it’s been 6 years, I don't even know where to begin. Much has happens.  All of us made it through Covid unscathed.  And here we are in 2024.  

Here are some highlights and a couple photos.  Basically I didn’t get a colonoscopy or scan since I was NED year 5.  I’m now 7 years after that and doing great. I did a bunch of medical updates in 2022 including mammography, gyno, colonoscopy.  But I haven’t seen gastroenterologist since 2017.  I’m okay with that.  Only concern is that when I found out about cancer in the first place I felt just fine.  I feel just fine now, mostly.  I’m just 12 years older.  

These past few years we’ve done lots of travel, hanging out with the grandkids, friends, and raising cherries 🍒 (RNR Orchard - our house in WA).  I’m still cranking out loans at Guild Mortgage in this crazy economy and high rates, high home prices, and low inventory. The market is unprecedented and who knows what’s next.  I guess the days of depending on stability are gone and even more than ever before I expect the unexpected.  

Other than that, can’t complain. Cheers to 2024. My goal is to always remain healthy and happy and I hope everyone else can too. 

Six Years Ago Today

Today is a landmark date. July 25th does not go by without me reflecting upon my last day of treatment.  It is such a distant memory now.  Six years ago.....  Life is great.  I'm healthy, happy, and little to no side effects.  Had my last scan last year and I don't plan to go in this year for anything follow up related (even though I did look forward to those warm hugs and assurance everything looks perfect down there).  :-)  I have much I could say about anal cancer and what I've been through, but for now, I'd just like to offer up hope to each and everyone that you can do this.  You can make it.  Keep fighting.  Be strong and be happy!  This little blip in the road of life will add so much to your story as it has to mine. I'm always so grateful for BFAC and all it's supporters.  Cheers to 6 years after!

Almost to year 6, Post!

It has almost been 6 years post treatment for me.  Time flies.....  Since my diagnosis in May 2012 so much has happened.  I've overcome a lot of fears, moved from UT to WA, have 2 grandkids that I love and adore, sold our home in WA and moved to a new one last year with cherry trees, and most importantly, I've been super healthy and feeling strong. 

There are little reminders along the way of battling cancer.  But overall, I just sneak those thoughts out of my head.  It so weird though the niggling thoughts and feelings I have about going through this critical event in my life;  Most of these, I just keep inside my head and whisk them away.  One of those thought I have is each year, heading up Doomsday Hill at Bloomsday in Spokane, I just love seeing the vulture.  It reminds me of the old me, bc (before cancer) and the new me ac (after cancer), kicking that thing in the ass!! 

Going through cancer, and treatment, was an event that changed me, and changed my thoughts about living, people, jobs, family, friendships, diet, exercise, time, and generally evaluating what is important in life. 

Seeing my divot now, and my "tattoos" are a daily reminder of getting to live out so many more wonderful years and the hope of the future.  Never take a single day for granted.  Soak up the sun and keep on fighting!!!

What's the most important thing about this photo?  :-)

NED for me!!!

Today is the day!  I hit my 5 year mark.  Today is the day after my last day of treatment 5 years ago.  I completed chemo and radiation on 7/25/2012.  What that means to me is that I hit a milestone I've been waiting for.  I went over to Seattle this afternoon to Swedish for my appointment with colo-rectal doc/surgeon Mindy H. and for the all clear.  I had gotten a CT on my chest and lungs (weird I know because I had anal cancer) but that was to follow up on some suspicious "spots" that I've had since my initial PET in 2012.  She told me the spots were stable, my lungs are fine, and after inspecting my darkest regions, THAT is perfect too.  I'm all clear.  Isn't that fantastic?  I'm super excited about it.

I had stage 3a which means that one lymph node near the tumor was 1 cm (or larger).  Anyway, I've always been worried about the spots and the stage because if one lymph was affected there could be more later, or spreading, or worse go to my lungs or liver (I have spots on my liver too but they are likely the more common ones a lot of folks have and not concerning). I remember the first couple days after I heard I had cancer, I read an article that the statistic listed at the time (from stats in 2010 tests) for making it to the 5 year mark without a reoccurrence was only 40% for people who had stage 3a anal cancer   How depressing is that?  Yikes!  I quit reading stuff after that   And this was way before I found BFAC website.  Still, after all this time, that statistic stuck in the back of my mind and I continued to wonder.  I'm sure by now, someone has come up with a better, newer, and much more optimistic statistic regarding the various stages of anal cancer.  I sure hope they have.  And, if they have not, I hope that others will have hope when they know it's possible to come out of this alive and mostly well. <smile>

So, today was my big day.  Maybe I can relax just a tiny bit more now.  Or at least now I can find a different focus or milestone to work on.  This past week I've reflected a great deal about all that has happened in the past 5 years after my diagnosis and treatment.  I feel so fortunate.  I think my very first post in this blog was titled "Lucky Me" if I recall correctly, without looking  back, some things you just can't forget.  And boy oh boy was I lucky!    Completely dodged a bullet.  Beat the big "C".  Went the 5 years!!!  Yay me.  Yay you too.  Keep fighting.

Can You See My Divot?

Well, can you?  Can you see it?  Right there on my chest.  No one has ever asked me in three years, "what is that from"?  You gotta wonder if they wonder.  I mean, I do wear a lot of tank tops.  Just FYI, that little "divot" is from my port.  My port that was installed to carry the chemotherapy into my body to cure the cancer.  I referenced a photo of it when it was put in (blog 5/30/12) and when it was taken out (blog 8/23/12).  Check it out.  Now...... I'm left with just this "divot" (and the 3 little tattoos on my hips and pelvis) as permanent daily reminders that this happened.

PS  It's sensitive to touch and I hate when pressure is put on it.  Weird.

Made it past the 3 Year mark!!

I haven't posted since January this year.  I notice I did 25 posts in 2012 after I was diagnosed.  Then only 6 in 2013.  In 2014 and 2015, only one post from me.  That's it.  I briefly scanned a couple of my posts before writing this one and documenting my thoughts about cancer, treatment, friends, BFAC, and other topics relating to how finding a tumor, treating a tumor, and being cured.  I'm super glad I wrote them and I think I should add more updates along the way.  So.... here goes......

I almost purposely missed posting a blog on my end of treatment three year anniversary this year which was 7/25.  Some days I feel like writing about it makes it too raw and too real, and I don't want to honor that memory with documenting it.  I want to put it behind me and pretend it isn't a part of me.  Then again, I'm so happy that I blogged my feelings and a few photos along the way (which was the whole purpose, to remind myself later), so that I can reflect on an event so major that changed my life, my thoughts, and my being.  It changed me.  So even though part of me doesn't want to write about it, there are those days when writing about it helps me through it and reading others blogs are still helping me through it, answering burning questions electronically, and sharing feelings and worries.  

The fact that I don't write about it doesn't mean that I don't think about it every single day, several times a day.  I think about the experience and what I went through.  I think about the love, support, and friendships validated throughout the process of chemo and radiation and it's aftermath.... which is still there.  For these gifts I am grateful.  I think about every ache, cough, and headache as "what if".  I never felt any of this BC (before cancer).  I feel in a deeper way than BC for my many friends that have suffered, are currently suffering, who have lost their battle, or had someone who lost the battle, who are fighting the battle, and who are surviving.  I feel for them as someone who is family.  I understand.  I suffer, fight, and live, by their sides, with compassion and deeper understanding than before.

So much has changed in my life since the end of treatment.  I am now NED and feel good about that.  I have had several PET, CT and Scopes to verify it.  The more time that passes, the more secure I am that the demon been exorcised and will not return.  I am down to seeing the gastro surgeon once a year now.  I am excited for 7/25/2017.  That is the famous 5 year mark that we all hope to get to without reoccurrence.  Even then, I think I'll worry for the rest of my life.  I am different now. I have changed.  This is my new normal.

On the personal side of life, in the past 3 years, I have become a grandparent of 2 exceptional, beautiful, gifted, amazing miracles, Liam & Liv.  I've moved.  With this move, we're in Wenatchee again and totally enjoying life here again.  My whole family has moved (to be close to each other) back to Wenatchee; Sam, my mom, Amber & Adam (and their kids), Adam's mom & sister and hopefully more to follow.  I've changed jobs (still with Wells Fargo though, 10 years this Sept 2015).  I get to go on some fabulous vacations with Willie a few times a year.  I'm happy.

10/17/2015 with Liv Catherine and Liam Cameron Nealy 

PET & Routine Follow Up Appointment 1/2/15

I had to postpone my PET from last month to yesterday, 1/2/15. The good new is that after all the SCANXIETY of the wait, all is clear, nothing lights up, the "spots" on my lungs and liver are still there, no change.  I'm so happy to report that I have gone 2 1/2 years (since end of treatment on 7/25/12) NED.  YAY ME!  I wish all of you a happy & healthy new year in 2015.  Every day is something to be so grateful for don't you think?  Life is good!

Almost 2 Years - Update

I want to first start out by expressing thanks to the Blog For A Cure website and my "supporters" on that site.  Being a member of that site makes me grateful once again that I found such a resource (which I found once I finished my treatment.  I think you find things when you need them most and thank goodness I found that one by accident).  I am grateful that I have people supporting me who have gone through what I have and are able to share their experiences, thoughts, ideas and support in a virtual way with me that I find almost more helpful than my doctors in many ways.  I have learned so much more on BFAC than I ever thought possible.  For that, I am most grateful.  

That being said, I went to my new colo-rectal doc today.  We moved 3 months ago from SLC, UT to Wenatchee, WA.  Coincidentally my colo-rectal surgeon in SLC had a great recommendation to someone in Seattle who actually was her fellow.  They know each other well so are able to share info easily.  I am now going to Swedish Medical Center in Seattle.  It's a bit of a drive (2 1/2 hours), but worth the trip and since there are not any colo-rectal surgeons or cancer care in Wenatchee, I have to do it.  I am very happy with my new doc and again, the appointment went very well as they all have so far.  Everything looked perfect (with scope this time and DRE).  I am always glad when I hear that.  I go back again in 3 months for follow up since she isn't familiar with my butt.  LOL... . Then a CT scan in Nov. because it will be a year since my last one.  I always feel better when I'm done with my appointment because I always worry starting a couple weeks before any appointment.  

Again, thank you my BFAC friends for the feedback on my last post "Embarrassing Question" which made me feel better knowing I am not the only one having certain issues.  I wish we all didn't have the after affects of cancer treatment, radiation and chemo, but glad we can share our experiences from the standpoint that we all went through this type of treatment for anal cancer.  

As I come smokin' up on 2 years post treatment (July 25th) I am happy to report, nothing new.  

Super Scanxious

I got home from our vacation (cruise from Venice to Barcelona) on Sunday night at 7:30PM, 11/24.  Yesterday, went to work and was super tired (jet lag) mid-day so came home for a nap.  On the way home, I checked my voice mail and there were 12 messages on there.  I hadn't checked my voice mails during the 11 days I was in Europe.  Had a message from my surgeon whom I was supposed to meet with today (11/26, my birthday) from Monday last week the 18th asking me to call her.  Shoot!  I figured that there was an issue with my CT scan I had in early Nov.  Why would the doctor personally call if there was nothing wrong?  There must be something wrong…. what was it?

I tried calling her back but since it was 2:30 and she was in surgery I ended up talking to the MA who didn't see any notes.  Bottom line, had to wait until this morning to find out the news.  Shoot!  Needless to say, I didn't sleep well.  I was thinking about what could be wrong, what the issue was, what my outcome would be.  I truly hoped maybe she was just going to reschedule my appointment because she was going out of town for Thanksgiving.  Or, perhaps the CT was not good or something.  

I arrived early for my 9:15 am appointment.  Got there at 8:50.  She was late and didn't come in my room until 9:45 wouldn't you know it.  I was trying so hard not to worry and fret about what she was going to tell me.  The result was that my scan showed 2 spots on my liver.  Ahhhh……. Thank goodness! At least now I knew.  I was sort of relieved because I knew that my two previous scans, one six months ago and the one 10 months prior to that in May 2012, I had those spots which were not a huge concern, just something to keep an eye on. And, they didn't light up on the PET so maybe I don't need to worry.  I had this CT at a different place so we needed more info to rule out any issues and the doctor needed to get the other scans to compare to this recent one to see if these were new "spots", or the same old "spots".   This would take about 3 - 4 hours to get the comparisons.  Shoot!

It is now 4:45 PM as I type this and I still hadn't heard from the surgeon.  I know she's super busy.  I hated to call and bug but did it anyway on the way home from work (early because it's my birthday today).  I wanted to make sure that I followed up just in case she needed to prod the other doctor about it before the holiday. 

Sure enough, I just got the call…….. The spots are "stable"!!!  Thank goodness.  Happy birthday me!!!

Update - Colonoscopy, Biopsy, DRE, CT, Surgeon and Radiologist

I sure didn't realize how emotional and stressful it is to wait for my very first biopsy results, doctor to come in and read the results of CT scan, and wait.........

Prior to the first day when I was diagnosed that fateful day May 16, 2012, I really hadn't had much experience with doctors, needles, drugs or my own mortality.  Now, the doctors, needles and mortality are not the things that disturb me, it is the ever impending worry of wondering what will happen next and of possibly hearing bad news.  Up until May of 2012, I pretty much felt like one of the healthiest people I know.  Even the life insurance company had rated me "superior" and granted the lowest rates to me in the summer of 2010.  Now, I don't worry or fear the stick of a needle, the concern of drinking colonscopy prep, or XRays.  I worry about the waiting for results to be heard..... the waiting for the end of 5 years to come...... the waiting for any bad news.   

I think this is just part of life.  Waiting.  Good news or bad, waiting just isn't comfortable.  The strongest muscle we have is our mind and mine works overtime dreaming up what "might" be.  Once you hear you have the big "c", your mind is never the same.  I think about it every single day.  Even though I don't look like I ever went through anything at all and even when I was going through it I didn't look like I was, it's a good thing you can't see inside my head.  Inside there is what has changed the most.

Right now, I am a 10 months post treatment.  I had my first colonoscopy with some biopsies one year after my first one.   Colonoscopies are not really NCCN (National Comprehensive Cancer Network) recommended follow up for anal cancer I've been told.  Most of the time they just do anoscopies or DRE (digital rectal exams).  But my surgeon ordered one along with a PET/CT.  She just wants to keep a close eye on things and if these help her do that, I'm down.  There was a mix-up with the PET/CT in that my insurance wouldn't cover it, so a CT with contrast was done instead on chest, abdomen and pelvis.  After some pointed questions, it seems a CT is just as good and will let the docs know what they need to know just as well as the PET/CT.  I am not fond of these procedures and don't want them all the time to comfort or discomfort me as the case may be.  I'm glad my doctors haven't felt like I needed anything done prior to this time.  It has given me plenty of time to heal.

I was pretty anxious about waiting for the results of both of these important tests, especially since they were my very first post-treatment.  And even though I was in no big hurry, hey seemed a long time coming.  It seemed that other anal cancer patients get them much sooner.  I try not to compare like they say, and trust my docs (within reason) because they know a lot more than I do, but it's hard not to wonder about the followup after treatment variations. 

This year the gastroenterologist seemed smilier than the last time he did my colonoscopy.  I know I wasn't as scared about it.  Just get it over with will ya?  The good news is they called me a couple days later to let me know the biopsies were clear, scar tissue, no cancer.  YAY!  That was so awesome to hear.  On paper, the three specimens submitted on one slide, looks like this in writing:  sections show multiple fragments of squamous mucosa with reactive changes and minimal chronic inflammation.  There is no koliocytosis or dysplasia, as confirmed by immunohistochemical staining for P16 and K1-67, respectively.  There you go......  pretty simple right!  Scar tissue, no cancer.  Come back in 10 years when I'm 60.  

Moving on to the CT done on 5/14, that is another story.  I sat there yesterday in my surgeon's office at 9:00 shaking, worrying, stressing out....... until she came in finally and let me know the results.  Again, good news.  Even the good news sometimes sounds a little bad.  I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop with this thing, but the good news it's all pretty good news.  I have these two spots in my lung, that haven't grown or changed at all.  Good news.  I have these cysts in my liver, normal I guess, which remain unchanged.  Both of these things showed on the PET/CT last year but didn't light up as cancer.  My docs are "watching" them though.  That's why I say the good news sometimes sounds bad.  Because you always have to "watch" things once you have had cancer.  Then the lymph node, right lateral to the rectum, now measures 5 mm X 5 mm, compared to 1.1 X 1.6 cm on the prior study (5/21/12).  Both the surgeon and radiologist think this is very good.  We didn't have PET to look at, which would light up any "cancer" larger than 1 cm in size, but my new smaller lymph has shrunk down sufficiently enough that all three of us are very happy about it.  Of course, we are "watching" it.  Always watchful, alway waiting.  I hate that.

So in the end, literally, my surgeon finished her DRE and other physical inspections and reported several times that it feels "perfect".  No more tumor, still, waiting, watching.  The final "impression" statement on the CT scan printout reads:  Since the prior studies performed in May 2012, no evidence for metastatic disease to the chest, abdomen, or pelvis.  Good.  And meanwhile, I wait.

Deja Vu, Not!

The month of May 2012 was a tumultuous one for me.  I went to Wenatchee for my annual Bloomsday trip with friends.  I got sick with a really bad cold, had a blast on Cinco de Mayo, did the 12k on May 6th, came home, colonoscopy (my first one) on May 9th, found out I had cancer on May 16th. The rest is history (and documented in this blog that I started soon after finding out).

Fast forward to May 2013.............. Went out to Wenatchee for my annual Bloomsday trip with friends.  It kind of felt like Deja Vu, but then again, maybe not.  

This year, I didn't get sick, Cinco de Mayo was Bloomsday day, warmest-sunniest Bloomsday in history, we finished with a better time than last year, colonoscopy on May 8th, looked good this time, still waiting on biopsies.... but, I know that this year, I won't be finding out I have cancer.  I beat that already.

I have a PET/CT on Monday, 5/13.   Meet with the Radiologist & Surgeon both on 5/23.  Meet with Oncologist on 6/26. Wish me luck..... by now if you know me, you know I'm already pretty damn lucky!

Just for kicks, compare my profile picture on this blog which was taken on Doomsday Hill in Spokane, mile 5.5, on May 6, 2012.  I am so joyous and unsuspecting, raising my arms up in the air in Victory, little did I know that the vulture is behind me waiting........ lurking...... cancer.

I had some trepidation going up that hill this year when my friend asked me if I wanted a photo by the vulture.  I said "no way!"  I don't want a photo in front of that thing so she proposed a new idea.  Check it out.  

The photo below was taken on Doomsday Hill this year,  May 5, 2013.  This time, I know the vulture is there, I've passed him by and I'm kicking him right in the ASS!  Wanna join me?

A Little Apprehensive

It's amazing how time flies.  It's been a little over 2 months since I posted a blog.  I think it's because I'm not such a good blogger.  I read other people's posts and many of you are great writers, very good at sharing feelings, and wonderful supporters (on the site "Blog For A Cure").  I feel a bit like a stalker sometimes because I really look forward to everyone's posts and how I relate to them and what I can learn from them and the responses to them of people who have or had my type of cancer.  Finding this "Blog For A Cure" site was really lucky for me after I finished treatment 7/23/12.  I wish I had found it sooner because I'm sure it would have helped me a lot during treatment too.

Lately I think a lot about this time last year.  This time last year at the beginning of May I headed off to my annual Bloomsday run in Spokane, WA as I often do.  My profile photo illustrates so ironically the vulture behind me on Doomsday Hill at mile 5 of the race.  Little did I know when that photo was taken that 10 days later I would hear the dreaded words, "it's cancer".  I had my first colonoscopy on 5/9/12 which was my son's 29th birthday and then on 5/16/12, my niece Cheryl's birthday I found out.  This year I will have another colonoscopy on 5/8 and a PET/CT on 5/23.  Needless to say, I'm apprehenisive about these procedures.  I should be happy to confirm that "this time" .... "this year"....  I don't have cancer.  But, instead, I'm worried about it.

I have twinges, some pain when I sit, wierd bowels, nothing major, but now these things/signs/syptoms/new normal really make me wonder what's going on down there and if there is something wrong.  Never ever worried before. And, I fear the finding out.  Why is it I always worry about things I just don't control.

So, I'm off to Bloomsday, this year on May 5, again.  I leave on Wednesday.  This year I'll get past the vulture without him behind me, literally, anymore.  Wish me luck!

Doctor Day

I love my surgeon!  She is awesome.  I wonder if I feel this way because she just keeps on telling me good news.  Would I feel the same about her if the news was not so good? I wonder.  Anyway, the news is good....again. She is so nice and always hugs me at the end of the appointment.  This is nice.  Normally I'm a non-touchy person and prefer my personal bubble space.  But, once someone has had their digits in your most private parts hugging seems so normal.

I asked her about why I hadn't had any scans yet or biopsies.  She said that I'm due for a scan soon which we scheduled for May 13 at 9:00am.  And we scheduled my colonoscopy for May also, one year to the day that I had my first one that found the cancer.  The only time she does biopsies is when she's worried about the cancer growing and that is not the case in my case.  I am doing really well with no signs of cancer only residual radiation scarring. The news is great, perfect, hooray for me! So happy.  I love my surgeon!

Coincidentally I also had a noon appointment with my oncologist.  That seems to be a pretty great way to do it, all doctors in a day.  I dont get much work done but its nice to take care of it all at once.

I don't love having blood drawn.  I suppose no one really loves it and you would think I'd be used to it by now but Its just not that much fun.  The blood work was fine:  WBC 6.1 (normal is 4.2 - 10.5), RBC 4.51 (4.04 - 5.48) and everything else was in normal range except MCH which was high 31.9 (27 - 31.2) and MPV which was low at 7.2 (7.4 - 10.4).  Don't ask me what either of those two are, but they weren't too far out of range and my doctor says I'm doing really well and will see me next time in June.   While I was there, I ran into a lady who was in my chemo class.  She was recieving treatment and her hubby was with her.  It was nice to see her doing well. She had stage four bone and lung cancer.  Her hair is growing back and her attitude is still wonderful.  I also got a hug from the radiation nurse who was happy to see me after several months and doing well.  She is so nice and was always a ray of sunshine when I had to do treatments and was going through my worst times.  The staff there is so wonderful and caring.  I'm so glad I have such good doctors and staff at Utah Cancer Specialists.   It's an intimate and comfortable setting and I like that.

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how much I will always appreciate with my heart and soul and will always remember as a special time in my life is the period from when I first found out about the cancer on 5/16/2012 to when I completed treatment on 7/23/2102.  The reason this time is so special to me is that through this life changing experience I couldn't believe how amazing my friends, family, and everyone surrounding me shared their love, prayers, support in ways that were so meaningful that I can't find words to express how much it meant to me and impacted the way I live life today.  I know it will sound a bit wierd to hear my say I'm glad I found out I had cancer and beat it because it has made me a better person than I was before and it has made me apprecite everything, everyone, and every experience in a completely new and improved way.

The New Year 2013

I’m totally looking forward to this year. Last year was such an interesting, turbulent one with lots of learning experiences; cancer being one of them. I almost feel like it was a bad dream I had. I am now back to my routine without being interrupted by daily doctors appointments that interrupted my life for 2 or 3 months. Most of the time I feel so good that it’s as if I never battled cancer at all. Every so often, my monkey mind reminds me that I had a terminal disease that is hopefully now banished forever due to strong chemotherapy and radiation treatment. So, I push down the thoughts about that and go about my life. I am occasionally bothered by sore and stiff hips and pelvis, weird and sometimes painful bowel movements, and slight tiredness. I have to admit that I marvel that I feel a lot less tired than I did prior to finding out I had cancer. I think I did have symptoms that I ignored for a long time due to the growing tumor and I must have known in the back of my mind that something was wrong even before I scheduled that colonoscopy at 49, before I even needed one. God works in the most mysterious ways.

Thank goodness for a new year, a fresh start, and a new view. We got a puppy on Dec. 1. His name is “Rio”. He’s a beautiful Doberman Pinscher. He was born on July 25, 2012 which is 2 days after my last day of treatment. That makes him 6 months old this month. It’s nice having a cute little puppy around again. Although he already weighs 48 pounds so he’s really not so little but he’s still a puppy and tons of energy and fun. We haven’t had a dog of our own for 8 years. He fills a missing void in our lives being so soft and sweet as he is. We used to babysit our grand-dog “Byron” when my daughter and son-in-law traveled and from April 2008 – March 2010 he lived with us while they hiked the Pacific Crest Trail for 5 months then moved to Australia for 2 years after that. Sadly, Bryon died of cancer last July. We all miss him badly.

The new beginnings continue though. We got Rio on Dec. 1 and my daughter announced she is pregnant with my first grandchild on Dec. 3. I have to admit, I’m really glad she waited until I was 50 to make me a grandma but I’m pretty excited about it. I can’t wait to see, hold, and hug him or her. The due date is August 9, 2013. Today is her 10 week doctor appointment, her first one, and the one where she can hear the heartbeat.

2013 holds many great things for me, and I hope all of you. I’m so glad the world didn’t end on Dec. 21, 2012 so that I have such a beautiful year to embrace. I know it will be a healthy, happy and prosperous one.

50 Life Lessons

Me and my family on Thanksgiving 2012

Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday, May 28, 2006 (by Regina Brett).  And, since I just turned 50 myself a few weeks ago, I thought this was worth sharing and remembering.  Here's what she wrote......

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me (plus 5 to grow on).
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:
rbrett@plaind.com, 216-999-6328"

..... and for an update on me, I'm doing really well.  I feel great!  I've been in to see all my doctors and all reports seem to be going well.  My blood is fine, and DRE shows signs of cancer gone.  Will eventually get a PET/CT scan to tell for sure but nothing scheduled yet.  I'm looking forward to a really great Christmas and 2013.  My 50th year and 2012 was an interesting and turbulent one.  Started out with the flu, found out I got cancer mid-year, had a huge 50th birthday bash in July the day before my last cancer treatment, went to Hawaii on an awesome vaca in Sept. and Willie caught a 440 pound blue Marlin, had my "real" 50th a few days after Thanksgiving (and worked), and the grand finale is I found out I am going to be a gramma on Dec. 3rd.  What a year!  Hope the best for all my friends and family.  You all mean the world to me and I'm so glad you're in my life.  Thank you!

Lucky Me.... Always

The second blog I wrote when I found out I had cancer on May 16th was titled “Lucky Me”. Well, I’m happy to report, I’m still lucky! 

I was lucky to find the cancer early, lucky I had a colonoscopy at age 49 instead of 50 (especially since I had no symptoms to make me do this), lucky to be living in Salt Lake City UT where there is such excellent cancer research and care, lucky to have such fabulous supportive friends & family, lucky it’s 2012, just darn LUCKY! Today is no different, thankfully. Here’s why…...

Yesterday, I went in today for another 6 week follow up with my surgeon (my third post treatment) at 9:30 am.  It went so well I don’t go back for 3 months. Merry Christmas! She said the spot is soooo much improved from last time. I find it amazing she remembers that. Anyway…..lucky!

Then my dentist called me at around noon and said I won an iPad mini in a Facebook drawing they had online! Can you believe it?! Yay me! Again, lucky!

It keeps happening. I’m so lucky. My only regret is that I had to go to work on Thursday because I didn’t win a half a billion dollars on the Power Ball Lottery Wednesday night.  Lucky?  Ya.... probably.  I think most lottery winners either go crazy or lose all their money I'm told so basically.... lucky. 

Uneventful

After 3 long months, went to see the oncologist today.  She was on vacation and her normal PA was out on maternity leave.  Saw the other PA I've never met.  He was nice.  Didn't really have any thoughtful comments because I'm doing really well and my blood work is normal.  :-)  Said the colorectal surgeon is the best authority on what's going on with the spot in my butt.  I see her again on December 6.  I'm on a 6 week cycle with her.  I guess I go see the oncologist every 3 months for 2 years.  Then to 6 month or 1 year cycle after that.  I'm not sure what they are looking for in my blood but I guess it doesn't hurt (much) for them to keep checking it. Good news is, I look and feel healthy so that is what matters.

Exercise Does A Body Good?

I made it to 10 days in a row of Jillian's 30 Day Shred (20 minute cardio/strength training) Level 1, with 20 minutes (about a mile and half) on the treadmill right behind it for 5 of the 10 days.  Then I missed Tues., Wed., Thurs., Friday last week..... but I hit it again today.  I can't believe how out of shape I am and how sore it makes me.  There are days that I feel so old and tired.  But, I know it is helping me.  At least I think it is anyway.  The stiffness and pain in my pelvis is so weird.  To me it feels like I have run a marathon without any training.  That was one main reason I decided to get back in the swing of an exercise regime again.  I mean, if I have to have pain and stiffness, I want it to be from actual exercise.  :-)  I also contacted the Bikram Yoga studio I used to go to but I haven't been to class since Oct. 2011.  I think that will help with the flexibility.  Does anyone else do Bikram (hot yoga)?  Now I'm going to enjoy a snowy Saturday getting ready for friends to come over for dinner.  What should I make? Hmmm........

Looking forward to meeting with my oncologist on the 12th.  It's been 3 months since we last met.  I wonder what questions I need to ask.  Any ideas?  I finished treatment on 7/23.  Is it time for a PET/CT?  I've had a sore throat (really really sore) for 3 months and have been on two rounds of antibiotics which haven't helped?  Should I bring that up?  Also, have had two UTI's and had antibiotics for that.  I think I had another last week but it sort of went away.  Should I ask about that?  My skin tone still looks off and I have dark circles under my eyes which I never really had before.  People say I look great and like I never was sick (the only reason I was sick was from the treatment no the cancer).  Isn't that the weird thing about cancer?

My backyard at 7:30 AM
Weathergirl says 4 feet by tomorrow.  One can hope!

Getting Serious & Coming "c"lean

This past week I started exercising again.  It has been about 6 months since I really did anything.  I had wanted to exercise during treatment but that didn't really work out because I was just too busy with treatment, work, visitors.  It seems like I can find an excuse and lots of reasons for not doing it, mainly lack of extra time.  I feel like I need to retire first in order to fit in a good exercise routine anymore.  I am not a morning person, but I'm going to create that habit again so that I have that extra hour to exercise.  It really just doesn't work to save it for the evening, after work.  By then, I am just too tired, have to make or eat dinner, do some laundry, watch some tv show I'm addicted to, or play on Facebook for awhile.  After I get home from work, there is only about 2 - 3 hours until bedtime.   Those hours go fast.

I always seem to need a reason to begin exercising, again, to keep my commitment to it.  I like a goal.  This time the goal is health and need.  I need to exercise not only physically, but also mentally.  While I was on the treadmill today, I was inspired to blog about the things I'm coming clean about and how serious I am about exercise now, again.  I've always been blessed with good health and I attribute that a lot to exercise.  I've been in competitive sports since I was 8 years old.  Although, the sports change, and at times in my adult life, exercise is sporadic, I always get back to it.  It is definitely a NEED, as well as a WANT.

I used my profile picture on my blog as the vulture behind me on Doomsday hill from May 6, 2012.  Subliminally this photo is cancer behind me and me winning the battle against it with my arms in the air  in total victory and happiness.  When this photo was taken, I didn't know I had cancer.  I had my colonoscopy on May 9, 2012 a few days after Bloomsday where this picture was taken in Spokane, WA.  Doomsday Hill is at mile 5.5 of 7 in the race and I always look forward to making it up to the top of that hill and seeing what color the year's t-shirt will be.  Now I look forward to getting around that circling vulure (cancer) and making it through to the water stations, hoses spraying us, and the rest of the cool bands (the rest of my healthy happy life), because I know they are always there to make the race a lot more fun for the participants and then I get my t-shirt.  The picture of this vulture is somewhat ironic to me now. I love that it was taken right before I found out.  And, I love that it's behind me, efore I went up the hill.  How ironic is that?  Now, I have made it around him, and I'm on the other side so I can finish the race.

The second thing that I am coming "c"lean about is that I purposely titled my blog "Cathy's cancer" with a "s"mall "c".  I didn't even like to say "c"ancer at first because it made it real and it felt like I was accepting it into my body.  I didn't even know I had it so I certainly wasn't willing to accept it at first.  I felt like I was being punked when he told me.  I really felt like I didn't even have it at all.  So, I consciously decided to make it a small "c" so that I wouldn't give it credit for anything bigger than that, like God, or English, or North.  I know now that cancer is very very powerful.  I was ignorant before I found out and experienced the powerful treatment to rid my body of this horrible disease.  It has power in the body and it has even stronger power in the mind.  But, I decided early on that by seeing the small "c" it would remind me that I had power over IT and that I could beat this thing, "C"athy with a "C"apital "C".  I will beat it in my mind, and I will beat it in my body.  Another subliminal message to me that I'm now telling about.  

I realize that I keep a lot of things inside.  Lately some of the things I've kept inside are, I've been worried about my sore throat that I've had for about 3 months now.  It went away briefly at the end of our Hawaii trip but came right back a couple days after we got home to UT.  Should I move to Hawaii?  Hmmm....   I worry about if the cancer is gone.  I feel like it is and have no reason to think any differently based on my digital exams.  I have appointments with all three doctors in the next few weeks but so far not PET/CT scan.  And, I'm not sure I want one anyway.  Isn't that just adding more radiation to my body again?  I wonder if it's out of my lymph node.  How do they tell that?  I wonder if it spread.  How do I find that out?  I didn't know I had it to begin with so are there signs of spreading?  Should I even let these negative thoughts come in to my mind?  I worry about that?  I worry about the hip pain and stiffness I now feel.  It started about a month after treatment ended and it is so weird.  I guess it's a side-effect of the intense radiation but I don't love it.  It kind of feels like how I used to feel after a good hard work out, or maybe after Bloomsday.  But, it's not that. 

The hip pain and stiffness is one of the reasons I'm back in the exercise mode again.  I need to counteract the side effects.  I also believe that exercise is purging my body of bad cells, bad toxins, and making me stronger so I can live a longer healthier life.  My biggest fear would be getting to my 100th birthday and not having a good quality of life.  I'm going to get in a little better shape and then go back to Bikram Yoga again.  That will also help my strength and flexibility.  

I started my 50th year, last year when I turned 49, with the flu.  It was awful.  In May, I found out I had cancer.  That wasn't so great either.  When November 26th rolls around this year and I actually turn 50 and start my 51st year, I want to know I'm healthy and celebrate!  I'm past the vulture and at the top of Doomsday Hill!  This has been one of the most interesting years of my life so far.  I've learned a lot.  I don't want to miss the opportunity I've been given to change, grow, improve, and build on these experiences.  Part of that crossroad is coming "c"lean and exercising.  I just have to.