A Little Apprehensive

It's amazing how time flies.  It's been a little over 2 months since I posted a blog.  I think it's because I'm not such a good blogger.  I read other people's posts and many of you are great writers, very good at sharing feelings, and wonderful supporters (on the site "Blog For A Cure").  I feel a bit like a stalker sometimes because I really look forward to everyone's posts and how I relate to them and what I can learn from them and the responses to them of people who have or had my type of cancer.  Finding this "Blog For A Cure" site was really lucky for me after I finished treatment 7/23/12.  I wish I had found it sooner because I'm sure it would have helped me a lot during treatment too.

Lately I think a lot about this time last year.  This time last year at the beginning of May I headed off to my annual Bloomsday run in Spokane, WA as I often do.  My profile photo illustrates so ironically the vulture behind me on Doomsday Hill at mile 5 of the race.  Little did I know when that photo was taken that 10 days later I would hear the dreaded words, "it's cancer".  I had my first colonoscopy on 5/9/12 which was my son's 29th birthday and then on 5/16/12, my niece Cheryl's birthday I found out.  This year I will have another colonoscopy on 5/8 and a PET/CT on 5/23.  Needless to say, I'm apprehenisive about these procedures.  I should be happy to confirm that "this time" .... "this year"....  I don't have cancer.  But, instead, I'm worried about it.

I have twinges, some pain when I sit, wierd bowels, nothing major, but now these things/signs/syptoms/new normal really make me wonder what's going on down there and if there is something wrong.  Never ever worried before. And, I fear the finding out.  Why is it I always worry about things I just don't control.

So, I'm off to Bloomsday, this year on May 5, again.  I leave on Wednesday.  This year I'll get past the vulture without him behind me, literally, anymore.  Wish me luck!

Doctor Day

I love my surgeon!  She is awesome.  I wonder if I feel this way because she just keeps on telling me good news.  Would I feel the same about her if the news was not so good? I wonder.  Anyway, the news is good....again. She is so nice and always hugs me at the end of the appointment.  This is nice.  Normally I'm a non-touchy person and prefer my personal bubble space.  But, once someone has had their digits in your most private parts hugging seems so normal.

I asked her about why I hadn't had any scans yet or biopsies.  She said that I'm due for a scan soon which we scheduled for May 13 at 9:00am.  And we scheduled my colonoscopy for May also, one year to the day that I had my first one that found the cancer.  The only time she does biopsies is when she's worried about the cancer growing and that is not the case in my case.  I am doing really well with no signs of cancer only residual radiation scarring. The news is great, perfect, hooray for me! So happy.  I love my surgeon!

Coincidentally I also had a noon appointment with my oncologist.  That seems to be a pretty great way to do it, all doctors in a day.  I dont get much work done but its nice to take care of it all at once.

I don't love having blood drawn.  I suppose no one really loves it and you would think I'd be used to it by now but Its just not that much fun.  The blood work was fine:  WBC 6.1 (normal is 4.2 - 10.5), RBC 4.51 (4.04 - 5.48) and everything else was in normal range except MCH which was high 31.9 (27 - 31.2) and MPV which was low at 7.2 (7.4 - 10.4).  Don't ask me what either of those two are, but they weren't too far out of range and my doctor says I'm doing really well and will see me next time in June.   While I was there, I ran into a lady who was in my chemo class.  She was recieving treatment and her hubby was with her.  It was nice to see her doing well. She had stage four bone and lung cancer.  Her hair is growing back and her attitude is still wonderful.  I also got a hug from the radiation nurse who was happy to see me after several months and doing well.  She is so nice and was always a ray of sunshine when I had to do treatments and was going through my worst times.  The staff there is so wonderful and caring.  I'm so glad I have such good doctors and staff at Utah Cancer Specialists.   It's an intimate and comfortable setting and I like that.

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how much I will always appreciate with my heart and soul and will always remember as a special time in my life is the period from when I first found out about the cancer on 5/16/2012 to when I completed treatment on 7/23/2102.  The reason this time is so special to me is that through this life changing experience I couldn't believe how amazing my friends, family, and everyone surrounding me shared their love, prayers, support in ways that were so meaningful that I can't find words to express how much it meant to me and impacted the way I live life today.  I know it will sound a bit wierd to hear my say I'm glad I found out I had cancer and beat it because it has made me a better person than I was before and it has made me apprecite everything, everyone, and every experience in a completely new and improved way.

The New Year 2013

I’m totally looking forward to this year. Last year was such an interesting, turbulent one with lots of learning experiences; cancer being one of them. I almost feel like it was a bad dream I had. I am now back to my routine without being interrupted by daily doctors appointments that interrupted my life for 2 or 3 months. Most of the time I feel so good that it’s as if I never battled cancer at all. Every so often, my monkey mind reminds me that I had a terminal disease that is hopefully now banished forever due to strong chemotherapy and radiation treatment. So, I push down the thoughts about that and go about my life. I am occasionally bothered by sore and stiff hips and pelvis, weird and sometimes painful bowel movements, and slight tiredness. I have to admit that I marvel that I feel a lot less tired than I did prior to finding out I had cancer. I think I did have symptoms that I ignored for a long time due to the growing tumor and I must have known in the back of my mind that something was wrong even before I scheduled that colonoscopy at 49, before I even needed one. God works in the most mysterious ways.

Thank goodness for a new year, a fresh start, and a new view. We got a puppy on Dec. 1. His name is “Rio”. He’s a beautiful Doberman Pinscher. He was born on July 25, 2012 which is 2 days after my last day of treatment. That makes him 6 months old this month. It’s nice having a cute little puppy around again. Although he already weighs 48 pounds so he’s really not so little but he’s still a puppy and tons of energy and fun. We haven’t had a dog of our own for 8 years. He fills a missing void in our lives being so soft and sweet as he is. We used to babysit our grand-dog “Byron” when my daughter and son-in-law traveled and from April 2008 – March 2010 he lived with us while they hiked the Pacific Crest Trail for 5 months then moved to Australia for 2 years after that. Sadly, Bryon died of cancer last July. We all miss him badly.

The new beginnings continue though. We got Rio on Dec. 1 and my daughter announced she is pregnant with my first grandchild on Dec. 3. I have to admit, I’m really glad she waited until I was 50 to make me a grandma but I’m pretty excited about it. I can’t wait to see, hold, and hug him or her. The due date is August 9, 2013. Today is her 10 week doctor appointment, her first one, and the one where she can hear the heartbeat.

2013 holds many great things for me, and I hope all of you. I’m so glad the world didn’t end on Dec. 21, 2012 so that I have such a beautiful year to embrace. I know it will be a healthy, happy and prosperous one.

50 Life Lessons

Me and my family on Thanksgiving 2012

Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday, May 28, 2006 (by Regina Brett).  And, since I just turned 50 myself a few weeks ago, I thought this was worth sharing and remembering.  Here's what she wrote......

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me (plus 5 to grow on).
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:
rbrett@plaind.com, 216-999-6328"

..... and for an update on me, I'm doing really well.  I feel great!  I've been in to see all my doctors and all reports seem to be going well.  My blood is fine, and DRE shows signs of cancer gone.  Will eventually get a PET/CT scan to tell for sure but nothing scheduled yet.  I'm looking forward to a really great Christmas and 2013.  My 50th year and 2012 was an interesting and turbulent one.  Started out with the flu, found out I got cancer mid-year, had a huge 50th birthday bash in July the day before my last cancer treatment, went to Hawaii on an awesome vaca in Sept. and Willie caught a 440 pound blue Marlin, had my "real" 50th a few days after Thanksgiving (and worked), and the grand finale is I found out I am going to be a gramma on Dec. 3rd.  What a year!  Hope the best for all my friends and family.  You all mean the world to me and I'm so glad you're in my life.  Thank you!

Lucky Me.... Always

The second blog I wrote when I found out I had cancer on May 16th was titled “Lucky Me”. Well, I’m happy to report, I’m still lucky! 

I was lucky to find the cancer early, lucky I had a colonoscopy at age 49 instead of 50 (especially since I had no symptoms to make me do this), lucky to be living in Salt Lake City UT where there is such excellent cancer research and care, lucky to have such fabulous supportive friends & family, lucky it’s 2012, just darn LUCKY! Today is no different, thankfully. Here’s why…...

Yesterday, I went in today for another 6 week follow up with my surgeon (my third post treatment) at 9:30 am.  It went so well I don’t go back for 3 months. Merry Christmas! She said the spot is soooo much improved from last time. I find it amazing she remembers that. Anyway…..lucky!

Then my dentist called me at around noon and said I won an iPad mini in a Facebook drawing they had online! Can you believe it?! Yay me! Again, lucky!

It keeps happening. I’m so lucky. My only regret is that I had to go to work on Thursday because I didn’t win a half a billion dollars on the Power Ball Lottery Wednesday night.  Lucky?  Ya.... probably.  I think most lottery winners either go crazy or lose all their money I'm told so basically.... lucky. 

Uneventful

After 3 long months, went to see the oncologist today.  She was on vacation and her normal PA was out on maternity leave.  Saw the other PA I've never met.  He was nice.  Didn't really have any thoughtful comments because I'm doing really well and my blood work is normal.  :-)  Said the colorectal surgeon is the best authority on what's going on with the spot in my butt.  I see her again on December 6.  I'm on a 6 week cycle with her.  I guess I go see the oncologist every 3 months for 2 years.  Then to 6 month or 1 year cycle after that.  I'm not sure what they are looking for in my blood but I guess it doesn't hurt (much) for them to keep checking it. Good news is, I look and feel healthy so that is what matters.

Exercise Does A Body Good?

I made it to 10 days in a row of Jillian's 30 Day Shred (20 minute cardio/strength training) Level 1, with 20 minutes (about a mile and half) on the treadmill right behind it for 5 of the 10 days.  Then I missed Tues., Wed., Thurs., Friday last week..... but I hit it again today.  I can't believe how out of shape I am and how sore it makes me.  There are days that I feel so old and tired.  But, I know it is helping me.  At least I think it is anyway.  The stiffness and pain in my pelvis is so weird.  To me it feels like I have run a marathon without any training.  That was one main reason I decided to get back in the swing of an exercise regime again.  I mean, if I have to have pain and stiffness, I want it to be from actual exercise.  :-)  I also contacted the Bikram Yoga studio I used to go to but I haven't been to class since Oct. 2011.  I think that will help with the flexibility.  Does anyone else do Bikram (hot yoga)?  Now I'm going to enjoy a snowy Saturday getting ready for friends to come over for dinner.  What should I make? Hmmm........

Looking forward to meeting with my oncologist on the 12th.  It's been 3 months since we last met.  I wonder what questions I need to ask.  Any ideas?  I finished treatment on 7/23.  Is it time for a PET/CT?  I've had a sore throat (really really sore) for 3 months and have been on two rounds of antibiotics which haven't helped?  Should I bring that up?  Also, have had two UTI's and had antibiotics for that.  I think I had another last week but it sort of went away.  Should I ask about that?  My skin tone still looks off and I have dark circles under my eyes which I never really had before.  People say I look great and like I never was sick (the only reason I was sick was from the treatment no the cancer).  Isn't that the weird thing about cancer?

My backyard at 7:30 AM
Weathergirl says 4 feet by tomorrow.  One can hope!